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Today I Was Not a Good Wife

Yep, you read that right, and if I would have remembered the verse above, I might have been in a better situation.

Today started off as a really good day. Hubby, girls and I ventured into the city. Everyone’s spirits were high and the weather was beautiful. Then right around lunch time something happened. Right as the weather began to get cloudy and the sun hid itself, my daughter asked a question that her father misinterpreted, causing him to respond in a manner that hurt her heart.

And mine.

Why mine?

Well because I know my daughter, and I could feel the hurt as her father’s last words rolled off of his tongue. I wanted to cry. Poor man didn’t even know what he had done wrong. He had been brainwashed  raised by a family of cops that assumed the worst of him, including him doing drugs, which he never did and by default he assumed his daughter meant something that she didn’t. Her sweet, innocent question had been misconstrued all because of my husbands parents and how they raised him.

A person’s family matters when choosing a partner in this life. I didn’t know this when I met my husband, and I love my husband dearly even with the struggles he and I have encountered through the course of our marriage, but as I raise my own daughter’s you can rest assured that I will teach them that there is a way bigger picture to the one they’re considering as a life-partner and father than how sweet he is to them or how charming he is. (I would teach the same thing to sons about their future life-pratners if I had them)

 Don’t mind the bad haircut. This was a couple of years ago and I had cut it myself. Mistake not repeated 😉
Here’s a recent picture of us.
I am so blessed that God sent me a husband who loves me as immensely as mine does. Afterall, I am a sinner and sinners can be hard to love. My past ain’t so pretty and yet this husband of mine has loved me through hell and back. A lot of hell I caused on my own.

Today I pulled a Boo Boo. And my husband, showing more maturity eventually than his mouthy wife, called me out on it. (as well as he should have)

After I felt the hurt my husband caused our daughter my face said it all.  He asked what was wrong and I called him out politely. When he began to justify what he had said I got upset and closed off. (sigh… this is never a smart move) He pushed for me to talk. I asked if we could wait and talk about it later. He got more upset and said now, and then off went my mouth. (sigh again) Word after word came out of my mouth, proving my point, justifying my side, and tossing me deeper and deeper into a hole of disrespect, all in front of our girls.

My husband apologized but his apologies were for him coming off as a jerk, not for being remorseful for how he reacted to a simple question about gmail vs yahoo. I didn’t like that and I knew they were empty apologies in our daughters mind. He felt he was right. I knew he was wrong. My daughter was crying. I was worried about him losing her heart. Some children are more sensitive than others and this particular child wants nothing more than to please her father. If she feels that a simple question will frustrate him it was my worry that one day the questions will stop altogether and so will him having her heart. I know my husband and I know he would never want this. So I forged on trying to show him what was at stake.

Hubby and Sunshine, the daughter hurt today

Eventually my husband kind of got what I was saying. Only after I belittled him in front of our daughters. (ugh… no points for me)

God blessed me, imperfect me, with girls to teach how to be a good wife. Today I failed miserably. Today I reminded myself of my mother who had no problems belittling my father in front of us. Respect was drilled into me by my father and yet he didn’t even receive it from his own wife. I don’t want to be her and I don’t want my husband to be disrespected like my dad was.

Not too long after that our bigger girls went to the restroom in a grocery store and their father and I stood outside and waited. He looked at me, apologized again, told me he loved me and then convicted me about my disrespectful spirit. He told me that he would appreciate it if I didn’t speak to him like that in front of our children ever again. He told me that it hurt him and that I shouldn’t have done that. He was right. I had been so wrong.

I swallowed my pride and told him he was right and asked him for his forgiveness. I also told him I would pray the next time I was upset like that.  I typically do, but today apparently I didn’t. Today I acted on my emotions, no brain or Bible verse attached.

My daughters lovin their daddy.

My girls need to be taught to respect their father and it is my job to show them how. My attitude is important. My actions are important. My words are important. My heart and what it is filled with is important. All of this affects our daughters.

I’m not telling this story because I’m proud of it. I’m sharing it because I read all the time about how to be a submissive wife and how important it is. All of which is true, but we are human, at least I am, and I wasn’t raised to be submissive to my husband. I think it’s great that so many women are rising up and speaking out about God’s plan for good marriages, for women and our roles in our marriage. I just wish there were more stories about how women messed up like I did today and picked themselves back up and started over. I don’t know about you but I was raised in a “Women are as strong, if not stronger than men,” world. I was raised being taught not to let a man walk all over me. I was raised with a lot of worldy slime, if you will, tossed at me as teachings, presented as truth, when instead they were all lies.

I’m not perfect and I’m assuming some of you who will read this will appreciate my honesty. Have you failed your husband with your less than meek attitude? If you have, like I did today, you can always do what I did. Repent and ask for his forgiveness. It’s painful to lower yourself if you were raised like I was, at least it was hard for me, but it was worth it. My husband took me in his arms, kissed my forehead and told me he was sorry that he gave me a reason to disrespect him.

Good marriages don’t just happen.

Respectful daughters don’t just happen.

We reap what we sew.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Nicole Pelkey November 12, 2013, 4:58 am

    Ahhhh! This was so refreshing to read. (Considering I was JUST here two days ago) in a similar situation of me, daughter and daddy. I was not raised in a godly home either,and it’s so ugly when those teachings and our flesh creep in! I HATE IT!! I LOVE though, that my husband will tell me when I was wrong and letting go of pride and asking for forgiveness is hard to do, but so worth it! Thanks for sharng this! I often have to remind myself that my children are learning from ME.
    I DO appreciate your honesty and thanks for sharing this!! What a great reminder!
    **And loved seeing the photos! Cute!
    ~Nicole

  • Queen of my Cabin November 12, 2013, 11:53 pm

    Yeah, it’s hard for me sometimes to refrain from saying something derogatory to my husband. I know that sounds bad but when he and I met I was a mouthy, playful,l strong woman who voiced her opinion regularly. Now I am on a journey to try to change that. It always cracks me up when people say that submissive women are mousy or abused. hahah Yeah, okay. That’s so far from the truth! Every submissive woman I’ve met is a strong, strong woman who could run our military if they chose. The idea that women who submit are weak in spirit is so ridiculous. It takes a heck of a strong woman to refrain from speaking down to her husband when she ‘feels’ she is right, to know that she was made to help her man not the other way around, and that she is the keeper her home. Weak women don’t stay at home day in and day out raising their children, managing their home, having babies, running farms and serving their husbands. It was because of the fall that we have problems submitting. God put us under man but it wasn’t until the fall that it became hard for us to do. Ah, Eve she catches all the blame. lol 🙂

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