I had this image of me. Tucked away in my minds eye there it was, me smiling and happy. Me looking light.
I chose “light” as a descriptive word because it’s the last thing I felt in my soul. The word heavy would have been way more appropriate. And we’re not talking about weight here. I’m talking about me, inside.
My heart and soul felt heavy.
So much had happened in my life. So many heavy, hard things out of my control that wore me down both emotionally and physically, even eventually causing my health to suffer.
How I got to that place was irrelevant to me. It was staying there in that heavy, dark place that concerned me. Would I ever feel better? Where was that little girl who was lighthearted? The little one with the big smile and dimples that loved to laugh and loved people. Where was she? I wanted her back but had no clue how to ever be in that “light” place again.
This is the journey I have been on for a few years now. And it’s one that has changed my life for the better. So when I saw the above quote it really touched me as true. To get to where I am today took time. A lot of time. There simply couldn’t have been short cuts.
I’m writing this post today to tell you that if you, like me, decided that it was time to let go of all that was making you feel terrible, then you’re not alone. You’re not the only person doing this. I know many who are. It may not be easy. Shoot, it may feel downright excruciating at times. And it sure won’t happen overnight. You may need to invest in quite a few boxes of tissues but it’s possible. Sooo possible. Although, I’m not the light little girl I once was, I’m also no longer the girl who walked around feeling like a boulder was on her heart. I’m no longer the woman I once was, a woman bound by her past mistakes, a woman caring way more than she should have about what others thought about her or what they deemed right and wrong. I spent almost all of my life allowing myself to be hurt in the name of not hurting others feelings. That little bright eyed girl loved people so very much that she wanted nothing more than for everyone around her to be happy. And in the end it was at her own expense, an expense that cost her greatly.
And now that time has ended.
The lioness has awaken.
So what have I done on my journey to emotional and physical healing?
It would be way too much to go into and this post is already longer than I had originally wanted. But before I go I will tell you the one most important thing that I applied to my entire life little by little. It changed everything.
I began removing anything God laid on my heart to be toxic to me.
And that included people.
Till next time…